I Have Enough
Giving what I can to others is all I can do until the final day comes when I can ask for the forgiveness I still lack
Jacob had wronged his brother not once, but twice—and each time, it was in a major way.
Exactly what he did to his brother isn’t pertinent. The point is that he did wrong, and he knew it.
Their mom, afraid of how Jacob’s brother might retaliate, sent Jacob to a neighboring city to stay with his uncle for just a few days until things simmered down.
A few days turned into years. Jacob started a new life with his uncle, and, probably afraid of confronting his bother, never really returned home.
Until one day. God worked on Jacob, just like He does on all of us at certain times, and Jacob knew it was finally time to go home and face his brother, whose name was Esau.
By this point, Jacob had married, he had tons of servants, and he had become extremely successful in the livestock industry. So he took everything with him: all the servants, all the cattle, all the flocks. They journeyed back towards Jacob’s homeland until some messengers that Jacob had sent ahead returned and reported that his brother would be coming to meet him—accompanied by four hundred men.
Esau’s army terrified Jacob. He thought he was done for. Jacob split his company in half and ordered the back half to flee if anything went down. Then he sent servants ahead from the front half with large droves of cattle to meet Esau and tell him that all the animals were gifts to him from Jacob, in hopes that he could appease his angry brother.
The next morning, after almost no sleep, Jacob and his family saw Esau and his army approaching in the distance.
As Esau came closer, Jacob, in a final act of desperation and humility, bowed himself to the ground seven times.
The gesture wasn’t needed.
Esau came running, and then the two brothers embraced.
I imagine they hugged for a very long time. I know for sure that they kissed and wept.
The first thing that Esau finally said was something like, “Who are all these kids with you?” Jacob responded that they were his children and presented each of them to their uncle. Then Esau said, “What’s the meaning of all these flocks and cattle that you sent ahead to me?” Jacob responded that they were an offering of peace.
Esau said, “I have enough, my brother.”1
Jacob nevertheless insisted, saying,
“Take my blessing, because God hath dealt graciously with me, and I have enough.”2
And so it is for each of us who makes amends with those we’ve wronged. Regardless of our temporal circumstances, when we can say that we have a conscience void of offense towards God and towards any man, then we can say that we truly have enough.
There are people I’ve wronged who I desperately wish I could apologize to. If I could, I would gather the extent of my riches—cows, sheep, bank accounts, stock options, all of it—and send them ahead as a peace offering. If I could, I would bow to the ground seventy times seven in utter humility and penitence. If I could, I would give a hug and a kiss and all the tears I have to say I’m sorry.
But this life may never afford that opportunity.
And ultimately, riches and gifts don’t really actualize an atonement between two parties. Rather, it’s a broken heart and a spirit of contrition that are most efficacious in bringing together the wrongdoer and the wronged.
Notwithstanding, in an attempt to pay my debts without a rendezvous at which to pay them, I impart of my substance as much as I can, “because God has dealt graciously with me,” and others could benefit from “tak[ing] my blessing.” In other words, “I have enough,” and giving what I can to others is all I can do to show my gratitude for the forgiveness I have received, until the final day comes when I can bow at the feet of those I’ve wronged and ask for the forgiveness I still lack.
When that day comes, I hope that after all my reconciliations are over, we all breathe a deep sigh of relief, and then take a wide-eyed look around and say something conciliatory like, “Now tell me who all these kids are with you!”
Genesis 33:9
Genesis 33:11